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I have been close companions for over two decades, a person who's faced and conquered numerous obstacles, which I admire. But, she has been constantly taken by surprise by people. Her partner ended their marriage, and it was an unexpected event. Many of her social circle disappeared then, as they were focused solely on him. She was stunned by her deeply. She put in more effort in our friendship, and must have realised more clearly the meaning of companionship.

The Pattern With Friends Drifting Away

Over the years, many of her friends have disappeared and she isn't certain of the reason. Her previous job became hostile, even though she was an excellent employee, she departed unaware of what had changed.

Present Situation

In recent times, we have each retired so we're spending frequent meetups, however, I feel the part I play in our friendship is to listen. I open topics of conversation but she shifts them to her own topics. Regarding political views, she expresses unyielding views. My effort is to recommend verifying facts and different perspectives.

She has been planning a trip to a country I've visited many times even called home for a while. I tried to provide insights, but this was unappreciated. She essentially solely sought my agreement with her choices. I recently come back from a month there and she wants to reconnect, but I don't.

Evaluating the Situation

I am unwilling to act as a friend who abandons suddenly abruptly, however, I feel she will ever understand the consequences of her actions on how I feel about myself. At this point, my state is distancing myself. What's the best step?

Possible Paths

One option is to end things abruptly, but it is rarely the peaceful resolution we hope for. But confrontation with a view to a solution takes courage and openness from both people.

Therapists recommend using a practical approach to handling disagreements:

"Step one is to state the usual pattern when you talk. This needs to be based on facts and essentially what a recording device would replay. Next involves sharing the way it affects you emotionally. Ideally, there's no dispute here. What you feel are your feelings, of course. Finally involves requesting ways you together can shift the interaction between you."

Remember your friend holds perspectives, thus requiring you to be prepared to acknowledge it. An approach that works is to say your friend:

"Now you talk and I'm going to remain silent for 30 minutes."

It's remarkably impactful to encourage better communication.

Closing Considerations

She may dismiss everything, for those who cling to a “survival narrative”: they maintain a narrative of their life they won't abandon since their identity depends upon it and it's all familiar to them. This is difficult as there is no easy route here, just dead ends. Yet she could initially present this way before reflecting on your words. And even if you never reach an agreement, you'll have closure from having been truthful.